"Aliyense amandida, palibe amene amandikonda ..."
Tinaimba zimenezi tili ana. Tinaganiza kuti zinali zoseketsa. Pamene ndinakhala wachinyamata, ndinazindikira kuti kunali kosavuta kuganiza motere. Pamene zinthu sizinayende monga momwe ndinkaganizira kapena kukonzekera, kapena sindinaitanidwe ku chochitika, zinali zosavuta kuganiza kuti palibe amene amandikonda komanso kuti zonse zinali zotsutsana nane.
A zobisika wotsika zovuta, basi kuyembekezera kudzisonyeza yekha
Monga munthu wamkulu, ndinazindikira kuti zinalinso zosavuta kuganiza kuti Mulungu anali kunditsutsa pamene zinthu zinaoneka ngati "zolakwika" m'moyo wanga. Kukayikira chikondi cha Mulungu kumeneku kwandivutitsa kwa moyo wanga wonse. Ndagwiritsa ntchito mavesi osiyanasiyana polimbana ndi izi ndipo zomwe zandithandiza kuti ndigonjetse m'mikhalidwe yeniyeni, koma zovuta zotsika izi nthawi zonse zinkakhala pamenepo kumbuyo. Chinthu chonyenga nchakuti Satana amabwera monga mngelo wa kuunika. (2 Akorinto 11:14.) Amapangitsa kuti ziwoneke "zodzichepetsa" kuganiza kuti sindikukondedwa kapena sindili wabwino mokwanira, kapena kuti sindikuitanidwa ku zinthu zosiyanasiyana chifukwa sindikuyenera zabwino.
Zaka zingapo zapitazo, pa nthawi yochepa, ndinataya okondedwa ena ndipo ndinataya kugwiritsa ntchito mkono wanga wakumanja womwe unabweretsanso kupweteka kwa thupi nthawi zonse. Ndinasonyeza nkhope yabwino kwa enawo koma mkati mwake ndinaphwanyidwa. Ndinazindikira patapita nthawi kuti ndinasiya kukhulupirira kuti Mulungu amandikonda kapena kundisamalira n'komwe. Kodi munthu amene anandikonda angalole bwanji kuti zinthu zimenezi zichitike? Kodi Mulungu analipodi? Kodi ndinachita chiyani chomwe chinali choipa kwambiri moti ndinayenera kuchitiridwa motere? Ndinkaona kuti pang'onopang'ono ndikukokedwa mumdima wakupha ndi kutaya mtima ndipo sindinadziwe kutuluka. Ndinali ngakhale kutaya chifuniro chokhala ndi moyo - zinali zovuta kwambiri komanso zopweteka kwambiri, ndipo ndinamva kukhala ndekha.
Mavesi olembedwa makamaka kwa ine
Pakati pa zimenezi, mnzanga wina anatenga nthawi kuti andifunse mmene ndikuchitiradi. Anandilimbikitsa ndi kundipempherera ndipo anandipatsa mavesi a pa Yesaya 43:1-5. Iye anandilonjeza kuti ndiziwerenga mavesi amenewa tsiku lililonse komanso kuti ndiikemo dzina langa. Ndinalonjeza. Ndipo izi ndi zomwe ndimawerenga:
"Koma tsopano, ati Ambuye, amene anakulengani, O (Charis), ndi Iye amene anakuumbani, O (Charis): 'Musaope, pakuti ndakuwombolani; Ndakuitanani ndi dzina lanu; ndiwe Wanga (Charis). Mukadzadutsa m'madzi, ndidzakhala nanu; ndipo kudzera m'mitsinje, sadzakusefukirani. Mukamayenda pamoto, simudzatenthedwa, ndipo malawi sadzakuwotcha. Pakuti ine ndine Ambuye Mulungu wanu, Woyera wa Isiraeli, Mpulumutsi wanu; Ndinapereka Igupto kaamba ka dipo lanu, Ethiopia ndi Seba m'malo mwanu. Popeza munali amtengo wapatali pamaso panga, mwalemekezedwa, ndipo ndakukondani; chifukwa chake ndidzapereka anthu chifukwa cha inu, ndi anthu a moyo wanu. Musaope, pakuti ine ndili ndi inu; Ndidzabweretsa mbadwa zako kuchokera kum'mawa, ndi kukusonkhanitsa kuchokera kumadzulo.'"
Ndinkawerenga mavesi amenewa tsiku lililonse. Poyamba, pamene ndinali kuwawerenga, ndinali kudabwa kuti analembedwa ndani chifukwa ndithudi sanali kwa ine. Koma ndinapitirizabe kuwaŵerenga momvera. Pang'onopang'ono, mwa chisomo cha Mulungu, chikhulupiriro chinayamba kukula ndipo ndinazindikira kuti iwo analembedwa makamaka kwa ine basi. Mulungu anandikonda, Iye anandisankha; Iye anaterodi! Inde, padzakhala nthawi zina pamene ndinkadutsa m'madzi ndi moto, koma Iye akakhala nane, kundipatsa mphamvu.
Ufulu!
Kenako ndinazindikira kuti: umenewu unali mwayi wanga wofikira muzu wa kusakhulupirira ndi kumverera kopanda pake kumene kunandivutitsa moyo wanga wonse, ndi kuupha kotheratu. Mkhalidwe wonsewu unali chifundo cha Mulungu kotero kuti ndikhoza kumasuka ku kupanda chimwemwe kumene kunabwera pamene ndikukhala ndi kukayikira. Ndinali kumva ngati Yobu, kuti zonse zinali zotsutsana ndi ine, komano vesi lonena za Yobu pa Yakobo 5:11 linabwera kwa ine: "Taonani, tiwerenga ngati odala amene apirira. Mwamvapo za kupirira kwa Yobu ndipo mwaona zotsatira zimene Ambuye anabweretsa — Ambuye ndi wachifundo ndi wachifundo."
Izi zinabwera ngati vumbulutso kwa ine: kodi ndikuwona zotsatira zomwe Mulungu anafuna kubweretsa? Kodi ndikuwona kuti mikhalidwe imeneyi yomwe inandifikitsa kumapeto kwa ine ndekha ndi mphamvu zanga, kwenikweni zinali yankho la mapemphero anga? Mapemphero anga akuti ndikufuna kumasulidwa ku kukayikira ndi kutumikira Mulungu ndi mtima wanga wonse? Mikhalidwe imeneyi yomwe ndikanachita chilichonse kuti nditulutse, inakhala chinthu chomwe chinandimasula ku kukayikira kumeneku. Ichi chinali chotulukapo chokonzedwa ndi Ambuye. Zinthu zonsezi zinatumizidwa kuchokera kwa Mulungu chifukwa Iye anandikonda ndipo ankafuna kuti ndikhale wosangalala ndi womasuka.
Koma Mulungu sangapangitse zimenezi kuchitika mwamatsenga; Ndinayenera kuvomereza choonadi ndi kugonjetsa zinthu zimenezi zimene zinandipangitsa kukhala wosasangalala kuyambira ndili mwana. Ndinayenera kumenyana: kulimbana ndi kukayikira ndi kusakhulupirira ndi kumenyana kuti ndikhulupirire Aroma 8:28. "Ndipo tikudziwa kuti Mulungu amachititsa kuti chilichonse chigwire ntchito limodzi kuti anthu amene amakonda Mulungu akhale abwino ndipo amaitanidwa mogwirizana ndi cholinga chake kwa iwo." Mawu a Mulungu anakhala chida changa ndipo chinali chinthu chokha chimene chinapambana polimbana ndi kukayikira kumeneku. Malingaliro anga ndi malingaliro anga anali opanda pake.
Ndili ndi mtendere mkati tsopano, chifukwa potsiriza ndikutsimikiza kwathunthu kuti Mulungu amandikonda; kuti ndine wamtengo wapatali kwa Iye ndi kuti Iye akulamulira ndi kukonza tsatanetsatane uliwonse waung'ono wa moyo wanga kuti ukhale wabwino kwambiri. Ine ndilibe mantha m'tsogolo, chifukwa ine ndikudziwa kuti Mulungu ali ndi ulamuliro wa izo ndi kuti Iye adzakhala ndi ine kudutsa chilichonse m'tsogolo ali. Ndikudziwa kuti sindinamalizidwe kwathunthu ndi zovuta zanga zochepa komabe, koma zataya mphamvu zake ndi kulamulira pa ine, kotero ndi nkhani ya nthawi yokha. Ndikuthokoza kwambiri Mawu a Mulungu ndi mphamvu imene ali nayo pa mdima, ndipo ndikuthokoza chifukwa cha chisamaliro ndi mapemphero a amuna ndi akazi a Mulungu.