Pamene ndinali wamng'ono, nthawi zambiri ndinkada nkhawa komanso kuchita mantha ngati zinthu zosayembekezereka zitachitika, zinthu zosiyana pang'ono ndi zachibadwa. Ndinayamba kuchita mantha ndi lingaliro lakuti tsiku lina ndiyenera kusamuka ndipo sindikhalanso ndi makolo anga.
Pamene ndinali ndi zaka 11 zakubadwa ndi kuyamba sukulu ya sekondale yachinyamata, ndinalingalira kuti panali masinthidwe ambiri aakulu. Kufikira nthaŵi imeneyo, ndinadziŵa kuti ndikhoza kuchita mantha mwamsanga, koma ndinali ndisanakumanepo ndi nkhaŵa yeniyeni, nkhaŵa ndi mantha ameneŵa ponena za zimene zidzachitika.
Nkhondo yolimbana ndi nkhawa*
Nditafika kunyumba kuyambira tsiku langa loyamba kusukulu, zonse zinayenda bwino. Koma usiku umenewo ndinagona mosakhazikika; Ndinadzuka ndi kupweteka m'mimba ndipo ndinamva kupsinjika. Ndinadziŵa kuti tsiku lotsatira lidzakhala lovuta. Sindinathe kudya chakudya cham'mawa ndipo ndinamva kumverera kopunduka kundigwira. Zinali ngati kuti mafunde akundisambitsa, ndipo ndinadziŵa kuti kukakhala kovuta kupirira. Kwa masiku 10 otsatira, sindinamve ngati kudya konse. Zinali zovuta kugona usiku, ndipo m'mawa ndinkadzuka ndi mimba yokwiya.
Makolo anga ankandipempherera, kunditonthoza ndi kundithandiza, ndipo anandilimbikitsa kukhulupirira kuti Mulungu adzandithandiza. Ndinali ndi zaka 11, ndipo ndi chikhulupiriro changa chosavuta chonga cha mwana ndinapemphera kwa Mulungu kuti andithandize. Makolo anga ananditengeranso kwa dokotala, ndipo ndinapeza mankhwala amene anandithandiza, choncho ndinakhala wodekha kwambiri. Zinayenda bwino pang'ono, koma vutolo silinathetsedwe kotheratu.
Zaka zina zinapita. Ndinkamvabe mosavuta kupsinjika maganizo, koma ndinalibe nkhaŵa yaikulu. Koma pamene ndinayamba sukulu ya sekondale yaikulu, zinawoneka ngati kuti maloto a zaka zinayi zapitazo anabwereranso. Ndinali wamkulu, ndipo ndinaganiza kuti ndinaphunzira mmene ndingachitire ndi mikhalidwe yatsopano. Koma mwadzidzidzi kumverera kofooketsa kumeneku kunalinso komweko, ndipo sindinathe kulamulira malingaliro anga. N'chifukwa chiyani Mulungu anandilenga chonchi? Sindinamvetse chifukwa chake ndimamva mmene ndinkamvera. N'chifukwa chiyani abale ndi alongo anga sanali chonchi? Zinkaoneka ngati zopanda chilungamo kwa ine. N'chifukwa ninji ine?
N'chifukwa chiyani Mulungu anandilenga chonchi?
Ndikumvetsa bwino tsopano: Mulungu anafuna kunena chinachake kwa ine. Iye anafuna kulankhula nane mwa zimene ndinali kukumana nazo. Mulungu amalankhula ndi anthu ena m'njira inayake ndi kwa ena m'njira ina. Chimene Mulungu ankafuna, chinali kundithandiza kuphunzira kudzipereka kwa Iye mokwanira ndi kuika zonse m'manja Mwake!
M'masiku amenewo pamene kunali kovuta kuti ndiyambenso sukulu, makolo anga ndi anthu ena apafupi nane anapitirizabe kundipempherera. Ndikukumbukira tsiku lina m'mawa pamene ndinafa ziwalo chifukwa cha nkhawa. Bambo anga ananditengera kwa agogo anga n'kuwapempha kuti azipemphera nane. Agogo anga aakazi anali mkazi wopemphera, ndipo pamene ndinaloŵa m'kalasi m'maŵa umenewo, pambuyo pa kundipempherera, ndinamva bwino lomwe kuti mtolo wolemera wondipanikiza unachotsedwa mwadzidzidzi kwa ine.
Awo amene akumana ndi nkhaŵa yeniyeni amadziŵa kuti simungathe kungolamulira kuukira kwa nkhaŵa, ndipo ndinazindikira kuti anali Mulungu amene anayankha mapemphero athu mwa kuchotsa nkhaŵa yanga m'maŵa umenewo. "Ngati Mulungu ali kwa ine, ndani anganditsutse?" Ndinaganiza pamene ndinatsegula chitseko cha kalasi.
Koma zinali zovutabe m'mawa uliwonse mlungu umenewo. Ndinapitiriza kupemphera kwa Mulungu, ndipo ndinadziŵa bwino lomwe kuti Iye anafuna chinachake kwa ine. Mwina panali chinachake chimene ndinayenera kusiya... Ndinkaganiza kuti ngati ndingapeze chikhulupiriro cholimba kwambiri, ndiye kuti Iye adzandimasula ku malingaliro amenewa.
Yankho la pemphero – mwa chikhulupiriro!
Tsiku lina m'mawa, ndinazindikira kuti ndiyenera kulankhula ndi bambo anga, ndipo ndinawauza kuti ndikumva ngati ndili m'ngalande yamdima. Iye ananena kuti anali wotsimikiza kuti Mulungu anali ndi makonzedwe ndi ziyeso zimenezi, ndiyeno anasankha vesi la Baibulo losasankhidwa. Tinalandira Hoseya 6:1-3: "Bwerani, tiyeni tibwerere kwa Ambuye. Anatipweteka, koma adzatichiritsa. Anativulaza, koma adzatiika mabandeji. Pambuyo pa masiku aŵiri adzatiukitsa. Adzatikweza pa tsiku lachitatu. Kenako tikhoza kukhala pafupi naye. Tiyeni tiphunzire za Ambuye. Tiyeni tiyesetse kwambiri kumudziwa. Tikudziŵa kuti akubwera, monga momwe tikudziwira mbandakucha ukubwera. Adzabwera kwa ife ngati mvula, ngati mvula ya m'dzinja imene ithirira pansi."
Mwina iyi inali yankho la mapemphero anga! Koma bwanji ngati vesi limeneli linangochitika mwangozi? Maganizo anga onse aumunthu anabwerera ndi mphamvu zonse. Koma ndinaganiza zokhulupirira! Ndinaganiza kuti ndidzakhulupirira Mulungu, ndipo ndinamuuza Iye kuti ayenera kundilera, monga momwe vesili linanenera.
Ndipo Mulungu anasunga lonjezo Lake. Patapita masiku atatu, ndinkatha kudzuka popanda kumva mantha kapena nkhawa. Ndinali wodekha kotheratu ndipo ndinamva kukhala wopepuka ndi womasuka! Ndinadziwa kuti izi sizinali kumverera komwe kudzatenga kanthawi kochepa chabe. Ayi, Mulungu anali atachiritsa mabala anga; Iye anali "atandibwezeretsa ku moyo ndi kundipangitsa kukhala ndi moyo"!
Ichi chinali chokumana nacho chachikulu cha chikhulupiriro kwa ine. Mulungu amadziulula Yekha kwa anthu m'njira zosiyanasiyana, ndipo Iye anaulula Yekha kwa ine ngati izi. Zinali kupyola mayesero amenewa, ndipo momveka bwino kwambiri kudzera mu vesi la m'Baibulo Iye ananditumizira. Mulungu anayankha mapemphero anga. Mwinamwake Iye adzakuyankhani m'njira yosiyana kotheratu, koma Iye nthawi zonse amayankha pamene ife kupemphera kwa Iye m'njira Iye akufuna ife kupemphera – ndi mtima woyera ndi osagawanika ndi pamene timakhulupirira kuti tikhoza kupulumutsidwa ku uchimo kudzera mayesero Iye akutumiza. Tangolingalirani kuti zonse zimene timakumana nazo m'njira yathu zingatitsogolere kumwamba, kaya zikhale zopepuka kapena zovuta. Zonse ndi za kugwiritsa ntchito mkhalidwe umenewo umene waperekedwa kwa ine!
Ndikhoza kukhala chilengedwe chatsopano!
Kuyambira tsiku limenelo, sindinamvenso nkhawa yamtunduwu. Ndakhala mtsikana wokhala ndi maganizo abwino pa moyo. Pambuyo Mulungu ananditsogolera ine kuchokera nkhawa, Iye nthawi zambiri ananditsogolera ine kupyola zinthu zatsopano kumene ndinadziŵa kuti zonse ndinayenera kuchita anali kuika zonse m'manja Mwake. Moyo wanga udzakhalabe wosasangalala pamene zinthu zikuyenda molakwika pang'ono, kapena ndikabwera m'mikhalidwe yatsopano, koma ndikuphunzira kulola moyo wanga kupumula ndi kugwira mwamphamvu chiyembekezo chimene ndalandira.
"Chiyembekezo ichi tili nacho monga nangula wa moyo, onse otsimikiza ndi olimba." Ahebri 6:19. Ndakumana kuti Mulungu ndi wabwino ndipo ndikudziwa kuti Iye ali ndi dongosolo lodabwitsa ndi zonse zimene Iye amatumiza njira yanga. Tangolingalirani, zinthu zonse zimagwira ntchito pamodzi kaamba ka zabwino kwa awo amene amakonda Mulungu! (Aroma 8:28.)
Mulungu akuyeza ziyeso zimene Iye amatumiza. Amadziwa zomwe ndikufunikira kuti ndikhale "chilengedwe chatsopano" (Agalatiya 6:15). Ndiyenera kudutsa mayesero kuti ndipeze zipatso za Mzimu. Sikuti aliyense amayesedwa mofanana, koma Mulungu amadziwa bwino zomwe ndikufunikira kuti ndichotse uchimo mu chikhalidwe changa chaumunthu. Amafuna kuti ndikhale chilengedwe chatsopano, ndipo ndi zimene ndimalakalaka, ndi mtima wanga wonse!
* Nkhawa ikhoza kukumana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Ichi ndi chokumana nacho chaumwini chogwirizana ndi wolemba. Tikulimbikitsa anthu omwe ali ndi matenda kuti nawonso apeze thandizo lachipatala.
